can you stop separation anxiety in dogs

It’s a foggy morning in your San Francisco apartment, and you’re reaching for your laptop bag—your 3-year-old Aussie mix, Milo, freezes by the couch, tail tucked. As you twist the doorknob, he lets out a low, guttural whine, and by the time you’re back from the corner café 15 minutes later, the remote control is chewed, and he’s panting like he ran a marathon. You wonder: Can this ever get better? The short answer: Yes, but “stopping” separation anxiety isn’t about curing it overnight—it’s about rewiring his brain to feel safe when you’re gone.

Separation anxiety stems from a dog’s hardwired need to stick with their pack. In his world, you’re the pack leader, so when you vanish, his brain floods with cortisol, the stress hormone, making his heart race like he’s in danger. It’s not “bad behavior”—it’s a survival instinct. A vet behaviorist in Portland explained it to me: Milo isn’t chewing your shoes to spite you; he’s clinging to your scent, using it to self-soothe. Punishing him (yelling, crate time as punishment) only cranks up his fear, because now “you leaving” equals “being scared and getting in trouble.”

The fix starts with tiny, boring steps. Stand by the door, grab your keys, then sit down and scroll through your phone—no eye contact, no “it’s okay, boy.” Do this 8-10 times a day until Milo stops perking up when you touch your coat. Next, step outside for 10 seconds. When you walk back in, wait until he stops jumping before tossing a treat (a small one—think blueberry or a piece of chicken). My neighbor in Denver did this with her shelter lab, Lila, using a frozen Kong stuffed with yogurt. Over six weeks, they built up to 45 minutes, then 2 hours. The key? Go slower than you think—rushing from 2 minutes to 30 is like asking a kid to skip from kindergarten to high school.

Apartment dwellers, note this: Milo’s barking at 7 a.m. might irk your downstairs neighbor, so stick to training during daytime hours (most Seattle or Boston HOAs have “quiet hours” after 9 p.m.). If he cries, wait for 5 seconds of silence before returning—rewarding calm tells him “this works.” When you take him out, always pack poop bags (cities like Chicago fine $75+ for slacking) and keep his rabies vaccine current—public parks here require proof, and a less anxious dog is safer around other pups. And remember: Never drag him away from the door or lock him in a closet—that’s not just mean; it violates animal welfare norms across all 50 states.

By autumn, you’ll glance back as you leave, and Milo’ll be napping on his bed, not pacing. That’s the win: not “stopping” anxiety, but teaching him to manage it. It’s about trust—showing him you always come back, and alone time can be okay.